Stanley Tucci does a laudable job playing a creepy mofo, and Susan Sarandon shows up to provide what might be the only thing that can even come close to qualifying as good.

I loved the book. In fact, after reading it, I went out and bought Alice Sebold’s Lucky. (I’ve yet to get my hands on The Almost Moon.)

The movie has great potential.

The book was fantastic.

The cast is pretty fantastic. Marky Mark and Rachel Weisz as eye candy and Susan Sarandon for comic relief (and fabulous hair.) And Stanley Tucci pulling out all the stops as the sinister guy you’d never ever let your kids go near.

And Saoirse Ronan does a decent job as the dead kid.

But the movie is a hack job. If I were Alice Sebold, I’d be pissed. It’s all special effects, and lacks the substance with which the book overflows. Honestly, I want my money back. That’s 2.5 hours of my life and $10 I’ll never see again.

We just got back from the gym, where not much fitness of note was accomplished.

Some various tidbits:

1. I can’t run next to Megan – I feel pressure. While I am completely aware that she’s actually not paying a shred of attention to me while on her own treadmill and watching the football game, I spend the entire time being pissed at her for judging me. Which she’s not actually doing. Hello self-imposed mind-fuck.
2. I need to drink more water. My calves hate me. A lot.
3. While today’s distance/time was actually exactly the same as other days, it felt like crap, and I’m now actually more irritated than I was before we went to the gym.
4. My heart rate monitor thinks I’m dead. It averaged 37 bpm. I seriously contemplated throwing the little fucker across the room.
5. I hate running. I love my Lincoln girls though, and so I will train and do this if it fucking kills me.
6. Today is a big f-bomb day. In case you hadn’t noticed.

As seems to be the rage around the interwebs, a list-view (with pictures!) of the last 10 years:

2000

• Left my job working at Communities for People.
• Got a little sister.
• Started a long-term relationship that ultimately ended in my Big Gay Divorce (see 2007.)
• Took a job at AIDS Care Ocean State, as the Volunteer Coordinator and Development Associate. With the lovely Jeanne.

2001

• Moved to Westport, MA. Moved in with a girlfriend for the first time ever.
• Got two brandy-new itty-bitty Godsons.

2002

• Got a digital camera. Hence the photos below and not above.
• Almost set my hand on fire playing with fireworks at my 25th (SURPRISE!) birthday party.
• Was a part of the inaugural Train the Trainer class of the Institute for the Study and Practice of Nonviolence.
• Had a rousing St. Mary’s Day celebration. One of the last before the passing of the patriarchal torch from Uncle Nick to my dad (that’s him with the ponytail and that shirt.)
  

2003

• So many bad hair choices – I just don’t even know where to start.
• Caleb and Quincy’s (the aforementioned Godsons) first egg hunt – in earnest.
  

2004

• Became the manager of the HIV Prevention department at ACOS. Ran the syringe exchange, HIV testing and education programs.
• Bought a house – with a pool. And got a hot tub. (I still miss the hot tub…)
  
• Mardi Gras! (In RI)
  
• Went to New Orleans for the Harm Reduction conference – at the same time that Megan was attending a different conference down the road. Had a crazy test-tube shot in honor of her 25th birthday.
  

2005

• 4 weeks in Atlanta – at the Institute for HIV Prevention Leadership. One of the best experiences. Ever.
  
• Left HIV prevention and went to work for Embolden – as a graphic designer.
• Parents bought a house – 5 blocks away from my new house.

2006

• Changed gears from graphic design to project management.
• Went back to summer camp. 20 years later, a group of  us attended an alumni weekend at Camp Kippewa.
  

2007

• Drove across the country for the first time (well, most of the way… RI -> CO)
  
• Had my Big Gay Divorce.
• Lived with BFF and Woolverine – during which time, my allergies shut off. In a home (due to cats) where I can barely stand to be for more than an hour without breaking out in hives and wheezing, I was able to live for over 6 weeks. My body took pity on me and some miracle saved me.
• Started a relationship with my future wife. (See 2009)
• Moved into a loft in Olneyville.

2008

• Decided to  move to Colorado.
• Got engaged to Megan.

2009

• Moved to Colorado.
• Got promoted to Director of Project Management and Client Partnerships.
• Got MARRIED.
  

I started off pretty well with this project, and then promptly sucked. Well, not promptly, but about half way through, it went by the wayside. In an effort to tie up the loose ends of 2009, here we go with the remaining few:

• December 18 Shop.

  Online or offline, where did you spend most of your mad money this year?
  Maui!
  
  

• December 21 Project.

  What did you start this year that you’re proud of?
  It’s still under wraps, sort of. Keep your eyes peeled for the CO Nerd Herd – a free website for a lucky nonprofit in your area, coming soon. I mean, if greater Denver is your area, that is.

• December 22 Startup.

  What’s a business that you found this year that you love? Who thought it up? What makes it special?
  Not a business nor a startup, but I’m PSYCHED about the CO Nerd Herd. Seriously, people, you’ll want to keep your eyes and ears peeled for this one.

• December 23 Web tool.

  It came into your work flow this year and now you couldn’t live without it. It has simplified or improved your online experience.
  It’s not new by any stretch, but Google Documents, you’re my hero.

• December 24 Learning experience.

  What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?
  It’s not really that scary.
  

• December 25 Gift.

  What’s a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving?
  

• December 26 Insight or aha! moment.

  What was your epiphany of the year?
  

• December 27 Social web moment.

  Did you meet someone you used to only know from her blog? Did you discover Twitter?
  
  

• December 28 Stationery.

  When you touch the paper, your heart melts. The ink flows from the pen. What was your stationery find of the year?
  Not stationary, but a book – I am a big book person. I am partial to unlined or grid, but this one – a gift – was pretty awesome. I’m a list maker. What’s better than my personal history, told in lists?
  
  

• December 29 Laugh.

  What was your biggest belly laugh of the year?
  Perhaps not the biggest belly laugh, but certainly the happiest day.
  

• December 30 Ad.

  What advertisement made you think this year?
  In memoriam
  

• December 31 Resolution you wish you’d stuck with.

  (You know, there’s always next year…)
  I don’t make resolutions… though I could stand a slightly less exciting year than 2009 was.

(Via – New York Times, Joe. My. God.)

Not gonna do it. Nope. Cleansing is not for me.

Master Cleanse Lemonade

A buddy of mine stayed with us recently and regaled me with stories of her cleansing – something I’ve only done with the aid of over-the-counter products purchased at Whole Foods.

And so, post-holiday hustle, bustle and bloat, I’ve decided to give it a go.

I’ve got about 2 hours in and already horrified by the quantity of expelled matter.

My morning started with a full liter filled with, as Woolverine put it, tepid salt water.

And that’s basically what it is. You mix 1 liter of room-temperature salt water with 1 tablespoon of sea salt. And then chug.  Not even 30  minutes later, there are results. And then again and again and again.

Once that process winds down, it’s on to the lemonade.

• 7 tbsp lemon juice
• 7 tbsp maple syrup
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1 liter water

If you want more about the lemonade, the cleanse or anything else, check out The Master Cleanse.

More as the process progresses…

We’ll start with the zipline tour, since it was our first activity of the vacation. (Even if you don’t read this whole post, you should watch the video of me swearing up a storm on one of the ziplines at the end…)

Maybe you don’t know this about me: I’m afraid of heights. Like, I sit down on the escalator in Dupont Circle in D.C. – it’s bad. I had a minor panic attack at the top of the replica Eiffel Tower in Vegas a few years ago. So yeah, afraid of heights.

But I figured if there was one time to throw caution to the wind and try to conquer my fear of heights, our honeymoon was the place to do it.

The big man claims to also be afraid of heights (which I have a hard time believing, since his head is almost 7 feet off the ground), and promised me it would be awesome. It was.

Haleakala Skyline Tour

We went with Skyline Eco-Adventures. What they have to say about themselves:

Imagine yourself soaring over gulches and through the trees along the slopes of one of the world’s largest volcanoes. Set right on the way to Maui’s Haleakala Crater, the Haleakala Skyline Tour is the perfect adventure for the whole family. Combining a short hike through a towering forest, an “Indiana Jones” style swinging bridge, and five amazing ziplines – including one of the fastest zips in the U.S. – this tour is guaranteed to thrill.

The “Indiana Jones” style bridge: not my favorite. The rest was awesome.

Our guides were Jeff (who appeared to be the leader of the pack), D.W. (a rookie who was just earning his wings on our tour), and Sal (a couple of loud-ish New Yorkers seemed sweet on him), and they were all fantastic. Good natured, well trained, and fun. I’d certainly recommend them to anyone going on the tour.

There were several times that I felt very grateful not to have testicles, as the men seemed a bit out of sorts upon landing each time. Seriously, these boys looked like their packages were screaming in displeasure. Perhaps the adrenaline makes up for it. There was no complaining about it, just a lot of adjusting of the pants, so perhaps it wasn’t that bad.

We booked directly online to the tune of about $80 each (plus tip), and of all the things we did, I’d say it was the best value for the cost.

Two thumbs up. I’d do it again.

More about our trip and excursions:

• Sunset Sail with Kai Kanani
• Windsurfing in Kahului
• Snorkeling at Molokini (and Turtle Town!)
• Honua’ula Luau at the Wailea Marriot
• Driving the Road to Hana
• Biking Haleakala – Sunrise Trip Down A Volcano

keg stand by allygirl520

There are a shit-ton of ways to make a first impression these days, and for a lot of people, real life is at the bottom of the list.

There’s Facebook and Twitter and online bios and MySpace (please tell me you don’t still have a MySpace) and blogging. There’s Flickr. There’s YouTube. And those are just some of the big boys in online persona building (and potentially destroying.)

A good friend of mine just recently got a Facebook profile. He’d been holding out. He’s like a 60 year old nana trapped in a 32 year old man’s  body.

What’s he afraid of?

He’s afraid someone is going to tag him doing something horrific. Or post something raunchy on his wall. (He’s not really clear on what a wall is, and thought maybe he didn’t want to let people post to it… I told him to delete his profile right now if he’s not going to let people touch his wall.)

I told him the same thing I tell my clients.

The delete button is your friend.

It’s your profile. If someone posts something inappropriate, delete it. If you don’t want that photo of you doing keg-stands in college, un-tag yourself. You have full control over your looking like a professional or a complete tool.

There are embarrassing photos of all of us out there. We all have that friend from high school who thinks writing “Are you fucking drunk again?” on your wall is funny.

And we all have the delete button.

As you may know, a while back, we tried The Saltine Challenge at Embolden in staff meeting, and had one victor.

The poor fellow tore up his mouth though. The things people will do for a “FTW” mug.

This blog gets a lot of traffic for folks looking for:

• The Saltine Challenge
• Saltine Challenge Rules
• How to do The Saltine Challenge

So, for those of you who are new around here and want a fun little party trick, here you go… again.

The Saltine Challenge Rules

(As I see them anyway…)

1. You have to completely ingest all 6 Saltines in 60 seconds.
2. You can stuff as many of them in your mouth at a time as you want.
3. You must eat them fresh.  Not soggy or stale or wet.
4. You can not ingest anything else while you are participating in the challenge.
5. You have to time it.  No guessing about the 60 seconds.
6. Your mouth has to be completely empty at the end of the 60 seconds.

I’ve tried it, several times… though the first time is always the most memorable.

I do want to know though… can you do it? Internet rumor has 1 in 10 people capable of this feat (which I think is horse shit, I’ve only ever seen one person do it in real life)… are you one of them?