A Question of Perspective

Dating Again

by Elisa Hebert on December 2, 2009

in Communication, Perspectives

Lauren Eats More Ice Cream

BFF - they're hard to come by

When Megan popped the question, I thought I was done with dating for good. And then I moved to Colorado.

Making new friends is sort of like dating. Only different.

When you’re dating, there’s an agenda, for both parties. Whether it’s marriage or just to get laid, it’s clear from the first date inquiry that there’s some nookie on the table.

When you’re a stranger in a strange land, it’s a little more ambiguous. You can meet people at work, if you work (outside the house), or at exercise classes at the gym, or by joining a book club or some other social group. But chances are other folks are pretty firmly entrenched in their relationships. You have to tread lightly. Like with dating, you don’t want to come on too strong. You don’t want to appear needy.

There are accepted dating rituals. Dinner. Movies. Coffee. Activities. Bars.

New people

Dating a new friend is a little different. I’ve got a few in the hopper right now.

Kristen is my walking buddy. We’re testing each other out. (Or at least trying to… I’m notoriously bad at keeping plans, and she had some kind of horrible upper respiratory thing for the last several weeks.) We go to the park, walk about 3 miles, talk about our lives… we’re trying to figure out if we want to be more. More than just walking buddies.

Amy is the ex of an old friend. Or something like that. It’s complicated how I know her ex and how they were (sort of) together and are now not. And it’s complicated how I’m still (sort of) friendly with her and now again not with the ex. Amy and I have gone hiking together, had dinner with our lady-friends… and it’s right on the cusp of moving from dating to friends. Teetering.

Erika is someone I picked up on Twitter. Sort of literally. She’s hot shit, and I recruited her to play along with a new project that Corey and I conjured up. I’ve met her in real life 2x now – once for a Nerd Herd meeting (good name, huh? She came up with it) and once at Erin’s show last Friday night. She’s as close as I’ll get to a ‘work friend’ out  here, given my circumstance. But when you don’t actually work with your work friends, you have to ask them out on dates. See above…

  • Awwwwww - thanks, Elisa! Delighted to have met you, too! I'm going through the process of "friend dating," too. Have been for the past year. Funny - it's not unlike real dating, is it? Where to go, what to do, where you gel...honored to be part of your Nerd Herd and thank you for being the ringmaster for us tech monkeys! (And thanks for the intro to Erin as well, who will be in this Friday's "Things that Don't Suck" since yesterday got away from me...)
  • I have a lunch date this weekend with another person I'm friend dating... it feels a little bizarre, I must say! I'm so glad you're a part of the Nerd Herd. And I freakin' LOVE the name. Well done!
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