Two Alpha Males settle a boundary dispute by mikebaird
I suck at setting boundaries. Unlike the seals over there, I don’t do such a good job at defending my territory. I’ll pretty much give up my ground to anyone who asks for it.
Over the years, I’ve simultaneously gotten worse and better at boundary setting. Personally, I’m much better at saying No, I can’t do that for you/with you/etc. But professionally I’ve gotten much worse at it.
And I still have a hard time saying no to my mother, even though I do it pretty often…
My biggest problem is my BlackBerry.
I check, and respond to, emails at all hours. I wait with baited breath for the little red light to blink. It’s always blinking. I’ve forever got my thumb on that little trackball… click, roll, click, roll. Read, forward, delete, file… I can do it all from my little technological wonder. Check Facebook. Take and post photos. Video George spinning in circles waiting for his dinner (fascinating, right?) It’s handy.
For a long time, I’ve worn my minor BB addiction as something of a badge of honor. I’ve let the handiness of the contraption overshadow the hit on my real-life life allow me to pretend there there aren’t equal and opposite reactions. How can I possibly give the real-life people standing in front of me the attention they deserve when I’ve got my BB 2 inches from my nose at all times?
And do I really want to be setting the expectation with my colleagues and clients that they’ll come first… always?
A List Apart’s recent article – sent to me by a colleague – hits the nail on the head:
Set boundaries and expectations
The days of the 9-to-5 job are gone and the boundaries between work and home are blurred to the point of non-existence. We’re expected to be available nearly all the time, and the problem is often exacerbated for freelancers or anyone who works primarily from a home office where the only divide between being “at home” and being “at work” is a single door or a flight of stairs.
It’s not a badge of honor to work 80 hours a week or to answer e-mail or to Twitter at all hours of the night. Ask yourself: Have you set sufficient boundaries between your job and your life outside of work? Are you guarding those boundaries?
Although clients may choose to leave you messages and send e-mail at all hours, it’s up to you to set expectations about your responsiveness. As soon as you leave yourself open to responding to e-mails at 10 o’clock at night, you set a precedent that can be hard to take back.
No more.
I’m putting a stake in the ground. Or at least, I’m going to try to, lest I near crazy land (or burnout)…
I’m going to attempt to use my BlackBerry as a phone only when I’m not working. I’m going to leave it at home when Megan and I go out to dinner. And gasp I’m going to stop responding to emails in the middle of the night.
Time will tell how well this little plan of mine pans out…
